12 February 2011

Making friends with the natives...

So Sunday I depart for England for a 3 month tour. I have a few trips to other European countries planned however most of the time I will be in England and staying with the boy. As amazing and wonderful that he is I may kill him if he is the only person I talked to. So I must make nice with the natives and possibly even make friends.

All my stateside friends are excited for me to be in England and like many other people think that I will be living in London proper. I then point out that I will be living in Birmingham- which I then compare to the lovely cities of Lowell and Worcester, MA. (They now see the gravity of the situation). I then go on to explain that the natives of Brum as its known are known for their bad accent as much as any Bostonian in a bad Ben Affleck movie. See here:

Well I may not understand anyone but I can speak one language- rugby. As maybe mentioned before I choose my flight dates based on 6Nations. This is plan one of rugby- get lots of pub time and pints in watching the games. Build bonds through cheering for the English and hissing at the French (even in they are not playing). Impress the (mancrews, bros, gang- not sure what word they use) that I am a yank who actually knows what the frick I am talking about and not just cringing at the hits. Round 1/5 was last weekend and today launches the second. So phase one of rugby will be 3/5 weeks long. But the rest of the time there will be union games too (boo rugby league boo- you are far less fun than even sevens).

While implementing phase rugby one, I will also let go the reins on phase rugby two. Rugby two is a two parter (two squared?). I plan on getting pack on the pitch at and playing with Mosely. This is awesome for everyone. By boy gets a physically healthier girl and a mentally much healthier girl (apparently I am a nicer person when I have an outlet to hit people that will not land me on a deportation list). Secondly- 40 new instant female friends, a plan for most Saturdays and general fun.

And to leave you.... a few of my favorite Rugby drinking songs:
California- BWRFC (My Boston team) Song
Oh, they had a little party down in Newport;
There was Harry, there was Mary, there was Grace.
Oh, they had a little party down in Newport,
And they had to carry Harry from the place.
Oh, they had to carry Harry to the ferry,
And the ferry carried Harry to the shore;
And the reason that they had to carry Harry to the ferry
Was that Harry couldn't carry any more.
For California, for California,
The hills send back the cry,
We're out to do or die,
For California, for California,
We'll win the game or know the reason why. (Stanford Sucks!)
And when the game is over, we will buy a keg of booze,
And drink to California 'till we wobble in our shoes.
So drink, tra la la,
Drink, tra la la,
Drink, drank, drunk last night,
Drunk the night before;
Gonna get drunk tonight
Like I never got drunk before;
For when I'm drunk, I'm as happy as can be
For I am member of the Souse family.
Now the Souse family is the best family
That ever came over from old Germany.
There's the Highland Dutch, and the Lowland Dutch,
The Rotterdam Dutch, and the Irish.
Sing glorious, victorious,
One keg of beer for the four of us.
Sing glory be to God that there are no more of us,
For one of us could drink it all alone. Damn near.
Here's to the Irish, dead drunk. The lucky stiffs....

Jesus Saves


(Often sung while the participants dip their fingers in beer and flick it onto each other, a la the Catholic practice of Asperges.)

Free beer for all the ruggers (or hashers)!
Free beer for all the ruggers!
Free beer for all the ruggers!
Jesus saves! Jesus saves! Jesus saves!


Jesus can't play rugby 'cos:

  • the ball goes through his hands (x3)
  • his dad will fix the game (x3)
  • he's got holes in his hands (x3)
  • the Jew won't pay his dues (x3)
  • the Yanks have bombed his gaff (x3)
  • he wears illegal headgear (x3)
  • he wears illegal spikes (x3)
  • he's only got 12 men (x3)
  • the crossbar gives him flashbacks (x3)
  • he can't support a hooker (x3)
  • his feet are nailed together (x3)
  • he has open wounds (x3)
  • he is fucking dead (x3)
  • his mother won't put out (x3)
  • you can't bind on his robe (x3)
  • shepherds are illegal (x3)
  • he is stuck behind a rock (x3)
  • he is bleeding on the field (x3)
  • the nails will pop the ball (x3)
  • Mel Gibson owns his rights (x3)
  • his body's made of bread (x3)
  • he wears a fucking dress (x3)
  • he's nailed to a cross (x3)
  • his sandals always break (x3)


Judas can't play rugby 'cos:

  • he'll cheat for the other side (x3)
  • 'cause he'd always be offsides (x3)

Mary can't play rugby 'cos:

  • she's never touched a ball (x3)

Moses can't play rugby 'cos:

  • he's got a burning bush (x3)
  • he's only got 10 rules (x3)

Noah can't play rugby 'cos:

  • his pitch is always flooded (x3)

At the end of song its common for team to sing (sometimes with heads bowed):

Jesus, we're only kidding,
Jesus, we're only kidding,
Jesus, we're only kidding,
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!

And lastly- Wild Rover

I've been a wild rover for many's the year,
and I spent all me money on whiskey and beer.
And now I'm returning with gold in great store,
and I never will play the wild rover no more.

And it's no, nay, never! No, nay, never, no more,
will I play the wild rover. No (nay) never no more!

I went to an alehouse I used to frequent,
and I told the landlady me money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me "nay,
such a custom as yours I could have any day".


I pulled from me pocket a handful of gold,
and on the round table it glittered and rolled.
She said "I have whiskeys and wines of the best,
and the words that I told you were only in jest".


I'll have none of your whiskeys nor fine Spanish wines,
For your words show you clearly as no friend of mine.
There's others most willing to open a door,
To a man coming home from a far distant shore.


I'll go home to me parents, confess what I've done,
and I'll ask them to pardon their prodigal son.
And if they forgive me as oft times before,
I never will play the wild rover no more.


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